In Defense of the Shower Beer

Zone out and let the water flow.

In Defense of the Shower Beer

Zone out and let the water flow.

Hey, let me get a little bit too personal with you:

When do you shower?

No wait, scratch that—it doesn’t matter whether you’re a morning, afternoon, or evening showergoer. Every single time of day is the right time for a shower beer. Allow me to explain.

Every Time Is Shower Beer Time

Drank a little bit too much last night and need to be on top of your game for work? A morning shower beer will fix you up right as rain. Hell, even if you didn’t wake up with a hangover, a cold brewski with a hot morning shower has got to be the nicest possible way to start the day. Bonus points if you go for a coffee-infused beer to roll all your beverages into one convenient package.

Or maybe you’re working from home, still in your PJs at noon, and realize it’s time to take a break for lunch. But can you really eat lunch in the same clothes you had breakfast in? Or more importantly, should you? No.

So you set out a new pair of clothes to change into and feel like a real human again, but something’s off. That same morning lethargy will stick around if you don’t do something to shake it up. 

Might I recommend a crisp hefeweizen as the perfect accompaniment to your belated morning hygiene routine? Or perhaps a juicy IPA to whet your appetite for lunch?

Or you might be in the increasingly rare position of going to your workplace during the day, slaving away for a full eight hours, and heading home. Can you guess what the best way to wash the funk of the work day off of your body, mind, and soul is? That’s right. The shower beer.

Why Drink A Shower Beer?

The busier you get, the less time you have to yourself. And the less time you have to yourself, the more your stress is going to pile up.

But unless you’re having an *ahem* quite adventurous day with a friend, your shower time is entirely your own. Combine that with a cold can of beer, and give yourself the gift of a long moment for whatever you want.

Zone out and let the water flow over you while your alcohol buzz warms you from the inside? Hell yeah. Take a moment to contemplate the mysteries of the universe in between sips? When you’ve got a shower and a beer, the choice is yours and yours alone.

How to Get Maximum Enjoyment From Your Shower Beer

As a seasoned shower beer enthusiast, allow me to pass on two tremendously important tips to heighten your enjoyment of your shower beer:

First, please for the love of god do not bring a glass beer bottle into the shower with you. Shower beer veterans know: It’s cans or nothing.

Why? Because a shower is slippery, and there’s no guarantee that the bottle is going to stay in your hand. Drop a can, and all you’ve done is spill a little beer—sad, but not the end of the world. But if a glass bottle breaks? That’s a huge bummer, and a genuine safety hazard.

Second, consider where you’re going to place your beer. Do you have a shower caddy that you can make space in? A convenient corner of your bathtub to set your brew on? Just make sure it’s out of the way of your shower head’s splash zone, so you’re not drinking a watered-down beer.

Shower Beers for the Entire Year

I’ll take my argument even one step further: Every time of year is the right time for a shower beer.

Crisp lagers are a godsend on a hot summer’s day, giving you a refreshing pick-me-up to combat the relentless sunshine of the season.

Spiced and amber ales will carry you into fall, smoothing the transition into autumn and stretching out your enjoyment of the fading summer sun.

Stouts and belgian ales, with their higher alcohol and sugar contents, will keep you warm and cozy during the winter.

And come springtime, a wild saison or gose will enliven your spirits and get you ready for another year of shower beers.

So please, I implore you: Give the shower beer a chance. It just might be the change you need to liven up your days again.

The Best Shower Beers and Gear

Get yourself geared up for the best shower of your life with this selection of seasonal brews and essential accessories for a shower beer date with yourself.

Summer Bells Lager of the Lakes

Summer: Bell’s Lager of the Lakes

Michigan-based Bell’s Brewery knows very well how to celebrate the arrival of warm weather: With a light, crisp, Bohemian pilsner. It has a refreshing hop bitterness paired with just a touch of golden malt sweetness, making it just perfect for enjoying while taking a shower after mowing the lawn.

Fall: Madtree’s Happy Amber

Fall: Madtree’s Happy Amber

Falling right in the middle of just about every category, Madtree’s Happy Amber ale is one of the most drinkable autumnal beers you’ll find. Let its smooth, warm, caramelized malt flavors wash over you as the leaves change colors and you make your way towards life indoors.

Winter: Great Divide Yeti Imperial Stout

Winter: Great Divide Yeti Imperial Stout

The coldest days of the year demand the thickest, richest, and highest alcohol beers—like Great Divide’s impeccable Yeti Imperial Stout. Plan a long shower for this tall can of 9.5 percent alcohol beer, as it’s well worth savoring.

Spring: Dogfish Head SeaQuench Ale Session Sour Beer

Spring: Dogfish Head SeaQuench Ale Session Sour Beer

And as light and warmth return and the world wakes up again, reach for the bracingly tart and refreshingly salty SeaQuench Ale from Dogfish Head. It’s a modern take on the classic Gose style that’s a springtime favorite across the country.

Tooletries Shower Drink Holder

Tooletries Shower Drink Holder

Don’t leave your shower beer storage to chance—give those cans their own place to rest with the Tooletries Shower Drink Holder. Its 100 percent silicone construction and clever design make it easy to secure to any smooth surface, giving you an extra hand in the shower where you most need it (for your beer).

JBL Clip 3 Portable Bluetooth speaker

JBL Clip 3 Portable Bluetooth speaker

You know what’s better than a hot shower with a cold beer? A shower beer with your favorite tunes playing in the background. Hang JBL’s Clip 3 from your shower rod or curtain hooks, and you can enjoy big sound from a small speaker that’s totally waterproof.

Duke Cannon Big Ass Beer Soap

Duke Cannon Big Ass Beer Soap

So you just can’t get enough beer in your shower beer time, huh? Well Duke Cannon’s got you covered, with their IPA-infused Big Ass Beer Soap. It’ll leave you squeaky clean and hopped up to start (or end) your day.

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